Book of the Month - June 2025
Anatomy of Peace
Resolving the Heart of Conflict
The Arbinger Institute - ISBN: 978-1523001132 - 2022
Author:
The Arbinger Institute
The Arbinger Institute is an international training, consulting, and coaching firm that specializes in conflict resolution and peacemaking ―whether in families, in organizations, or between communities or nations. Arbinger’s clients range from individuals who are seeking help in their lives to families who are trying to strengthen and rebuild relationships to many of the largest companies and governmental institutions in the world, where Arbinger helps to establish new levels of teamwork and cooperation. For more information about Arbinger, please visit www.arbinger.com.
The Arbinger Institute is an international training and consulting firm that is recognized as a world leader in the areas of leadership, team building, conflict resolution, crisis management, culture change, and culture integration. Arbinger’s clients range from individuals who are seeking help in their lives to many of the largest companies and governmental institutions in the world.
Brief Synopsis:
From the authors of Leadership and Self-Deception (over 2 million copies sold) comes a new edition of this bestseller that has been thoroughly revised to more effectively address the diversity, equity, and inclusion challenges that plague our communities and hinder our organizations.
What if conflicts at home, at work, and in the world stem from the same root cause? What if we systematically misunderstand that cause? And what if, as a result, we unwittingly perpetuate the very problems we think we are trying to solve?
The Anatomy of Peace uses a fictional story of an Arab and a Jew—both of whom lost their fathers at the hands of the other’s cousins—to powerfully show readers the way to transform conflict. We learn how they come together, how they help parents and children come together, and how we too can find our way out of the personal, professional, and social conflicts that weigh us down.
The fourth edition includes revisions and new materials and resources that increase its relevance and usefulness at a time of deeply entrenched divisions throughout society. Additionally, it includes new detailed discussions of the pattern of dehumanization that lies at the heart of today’s most pressing struggles with prejudice and discrimination—challenges that cannot be solved until the origins of bias and discrimination are properly understood and addressed. The new edition is a unique and vital resource for combatting racism and prejudice in their many manifestations.
Insights:
“In every moment...we choose to see others either as people like ourselves or as objects. They either count like we do or they don't.”
“Bruises heal more quickly than emotional scars do.”
“When you begin to see others as people,’ Ben told me, ‘issues related to race, ethnicity, religion, and so on begin to look and feel different. You end up seeing people who have hopes, dreams, fears, and even justifications that resemble your own.”“Don’t misunderstand,” Yusuf added. “Despite our best efforts, we may find that some battles are unavoidable. Some around us will still choose war. May we in those cases remember what we learned from Saladin: that while certain outward battles may need to be fought, we can nevertheless fight them with hearts that are at peace. “And may we remember the deeper lesson as well: that your and my and the world’s hoped-for outward peace depends most fully not on the peace we seek without but on the peace we establish within.”
“...when I betray myself, others' faults become immediately inflated in my heart and mind. I begin to 'horribilize' others. That is, I begin to make them out to be worse than they really are. And I do this because the worse they are, the more justified I feel.”
Should I read it or skip it?
The Anatomy of Peace is a compelling follow-up to Leadership and Self-Deception, continuing the Arbinger Institute’s work of helping people and organizations resolve conflict not just outwardly, but from within. Having read both, I feel like both books need to get added to any leaders’ reading or listening list. While Leadership and Self-Deception introduces the concept of self-betrayal and the "box" we put ourselves in when we justify our mistreatment of others, The Anatomy of Peace goes a step further—it provides a practical roadmap for how to move from a posture of war to a mindset of peace, even in the most emotionally charged conflicts.
This book shines by grounding its message in parable. Through a fictional dialogue between parents, counselors, and leaders at a youth intervention program, the book explores how we often treat others as obstacles, objects, or irrelevancies rather than as people with needs, fears, and hopes like our own. The central insight is that conflict is not about difference—it’s about the way we see and regard each other. And peace begins not in policy or procedure, but in the heart.
From a leadership perspective, The Anatomy of Peace shows how to keep people’s humanity at the forefront. True leadership becomes less about controlling others and more about changing how we see them. When leaders make that shift—choosing to see people as people—they naturally foster accountability, collaboration, and transformation in their teams. These lessons build directly on Leadership and Self-Deception, offering not just diagnosis, but treatment.
Whether you're leading a team, managing a family, or trying to change the culture of an organization, The Anatomy of Peace offers timeless wisdom: peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of a different way of being. Read it not just for insight, but for the invitation to lead from the inside out. Don’t skip it.
